Saturday, December 10, 2011

Life's Lessons . . .

So, as the saga continues, it seems that in life we make our mistakes and learn from them.  We also make mistakes and continuously make the same mistakes over and over again.  Sometimes we never learn and others we do.

Well I hope this is a lesson that was surely learned from action.

To follow up on my daughters latest plight . . . she was given a do-able sentence from the judge.  The judge said that she had to submit to 3 random urine tests and she had to complete a six week on-line drug class.  Not only that, when everything is completed she can get her record expunged from the system, which means that she will have a clean record!  Woo Hoo!!!!  This is the information that we needed to hear.  She’s relieved and so am I!  This is a lesson that has surely been learned by the both of us!!  In my eyes this is the last time that I plan on being involved with my daughter + police + drugs, etc.

The relief has been lifted. Because I am such a worrier type of person I will feel better in 6 – 8 weeks when I know that this is all behind us and she is totally out of the system.  It guess it is what it is . . . life goes on!

What kills me the most is how people said this stuff just happens.  I must have been living in a bubble.  None of my friends have had this scare or situation happen to them at all - I haven't.  I have a wide assortment of friends/associates.  I knew the ones that were trouble, it was expected!  Now for the majority of the ones I hung around – it just didn’t happen.  So when you surround yourself around these types of people, "the good people",  you just think that the possibility of your child being exposed to the “bad elements” just couldn’t be possible.  As life goes on you try to expose and teach the children to the things that you would like for them to know when they enter the world like making decisions, choosing the people they surround themselves with, making up their bed every day, wearing clean underwear, etc . . . you know, the important things in life!  But as we all know we can only do so much.

 You let them out of the house and now they are exposed to the elements and situations that we all have to deal with as adults . . .  young adults.  Hmmm . . . you start thinking really? . . .  did I miss some subjects in the life lessons in the home schooling sessions for the last 18 years?  Well I’ve realized that no we/I didn’t.  I gave her the tools to deal with life . . . what happens are the choices that she made in the situations that presented themselves to her . . . CHOICES is the key.  The tools were there!

Well it’s not quite a happy ending like in the fairy book stories I used to read her  . . . it’s more like happy ending for now . . . .

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Friendship across the miles . . .

So my best friend sends me a text that a mutual friend of ours was coming by her place and she wanted to skype when he got there.  I agreed.  So we skype each other and my bff is there with our mutual friend, Lance.  It was so good to see them both.  To be across the miles and see the two people that I hang out with, talk to, share secrets with, and drink with right in front of me was surreal.  Don’t get me wrong I skype all the time but to have your bff’s on the other side of the screen makes a big difference.  The three of us each had drinks and started to catch up with each other.

Well Lance is Russian and as we are drinking he’s feeling good.  So he disappears and returns with a cd.  He puts the cd in the laptop and the music starts to play.  It some techno music with a beat.  A typical Russian dance club song.  All of a sudden Lance moves the computer camera and he starts to strip!!!  Yes, strip!!!!  He stripped all the way down to his black briefs.  Baby!!!!  He was already gorgeous with his clothes on . . . can I tell you how much more better looking he got as they came off.  (hmmmm . . . is that the distance talking and the 2 yrs) . . . anyway he’s moving and grooving.  I’m waving dollar bills on the screen, my bff is in the background enjoying it right along with me.  My God!!!! What a sweet treat I got this afternoon!!!!!

Now that’s what I call a good friend!!!  The gift that just keeps on giving!! 
So we’re all talking and sharing.  Not only am I going through something called Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, winter blues  here in the artic.  Now I have my friends there smiling, talking and drinking in the cyber world with me.  I couldn’t take much more of the fun. 

I ended our conversation seconds before the tears started to fall . . . . I never cry . . . I can say it was a sad but good cry.  Best part, my Bff called me back cause she knew how I felt and we had to get off the phone cause she was going to do the same.

Friendship across the miles . . . . eHe

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Awakening . . . really?

Okay, daughter turned 20 four days ago . . . gulp!!! GULP again . . . It is really an eye opener.  Can you believe she and I will be the same age in 9 years!!!!  WTF!!!  Even she acknowledged that.  It’s good the daughter is on the same page you know?

Lots has happened with her.  She’s had some dealings with the law.  Everyone told me that all kids do this . . . well I never did it . . . nor did I think that my child would do it.  So I have gone into Mother Mode . . . I HATE Mother Mode.  She got busted with possession of the wacky tobaky!!  I found out she was smoking it about a year ago.  I had the discussion of the choices you make in life . . . blah . . . blah . . . blah.  Well now she’s in the moment of the Mom “I told you so” phase of life.  My mother always said . . . I raised you right . . . the decisions you make after that are beyond my control – but you know what is wrong and what is right. 

Well, her school has suspended her indefinitely . . . her grades this semester were the best she’s ever had (makes you wonder if the tobaky might have something to do with that.!?)  She was suspended right before mid-terms.  She’s going to have to do the semester over.  1st Semester of the sophomore year . . . Uuuuggghh!!!!  She still has to go to court to get the charges dropped or dismissed and the school will take her back.  This morning, waking me up, her history professor called me and suggested that I go to the school and speak to the president of the school . . . damn right I’m going to do that.  Thing is, I know she was wrong.  But from what everyone is telling me . . . she’s doing what apparently everyone else has done – except for me!!!  So the saga continues.  Court date is next week.  She’s doing all of this by herself.  She found a lawyer that I could afford – barely.  She’s handling this. 

Outside of this, my child has been the SHIT!!!!  She’s on her own in a state that we have no family and she is doing her thing.  She is very aware that this is the first and last time mom is stepping in.  She was raised knowing this.  In fact, she reminded me of this when I retained the lawyer.  So something else happens . . . hope she has some good friends.

About 2:30 p.m.
As for me, I am still on the road.  I’m in Alaska now.  Very interesting tour for me.  Nothing to do here – I’m in a remote area (very beautiful).  You would think that I could get some writing or sex or something going on.  No such luck. As the days go we are losing our sun and it’s down to 5 hours a day of sunlight.  Everyday we lose sunlight.  By the time I leave I’m told we will have only one hour of sun.  All I do is sleep.  But today I am writing . . . good thing . . . hope I’m expressing well.  I forgot about the blog so I hope to focus a little more on this now.  As for sex . . . it’s been 2 years now.  What’s funny is that I haven’t dried up or gone crazy.  I’m just wetter and hoping I can trust someone to release. . you feel me!  (that has to happen soon!! )

All of the stuff you hear about Alaska and the men . . . well I am nowhere near any of those areas.  So eventually when I get where I can explode I will let you know.  Meanwhile, I will continue to write my poetry and talk to you all. 

Right now, I’m thankful for my travels and having my mom and daughter with whom I love . . . and of course you guys!!!

~ peace

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I read my last post . . . WTF!!!! I literally had a pity party and posted it. I think I’m over it now. WOW WOW WOW. I am glad that I got it out. Boy have things changed since then!!!! I have since moved. I moved 2,836 miles or 4,563.12 Kilometers away. Funny how things go in life. The way I am wired I think the universe was waiting for me to vocalize what was going on with me so that I could purge and then let me live life. Well, if that was so . . . it worked
Six months prior to me writing that post I was accepted in a program at work where I travel all over the United States. I get orders in my e-mail and go wherever I am needed and work. Two months here 4 months there . . . Maryland . . . Seattle . . . Vegas . . . Los Angeles . . . I love it. It’s something that I have wanted to do when my daughter graduated from high school. Well the universe provided . . . and I got it. Out of 183 people I was chosen . . . feels like it was meant to be!!!

So I go on the road and then I am homeported.
I am needed back home. So I’m home for 2- 3 months . . . then I write the post. Not long after that I received another gift I asked from the universe . . . it provided. An opportunity to transfer to a tropical island came open. I hesitated a day, applied and was approved to transfer in four hours. WTF?????? What do you do when you get what you want? Do you take it . . . I did!

Okay, so now I travel and I am moving to a tropical island (2,836 miles away) ~ what do I do?
What would you do???? Me too . . . I did it. I was given until January to show up at my new location. Mind you I have lived in my home one year longer than I have had my daughter . . . she’s 19. Yep, 18 years of living in a house. I wasn’t as bad as the “Hoarder”, however I felt that way. I had a lot of living in that house. After procrastinating, I asked for help to get the house emptied. Had friends over. Only one friend actually saw this project through with me and when I left. We started late October and the house was not completed until March 2011. Yes, three months after I moved. It was a mess. She worked with my mother and things got done. Talk about invaluable friends. Who would do that for someone? I am so blessed!!!!
Needless to say now the house is on the selling block. My mom is handling that at the amount of guilt runs through my veins. My mother’s impeccable credit has been going away because we are short selling but that takes a while and the bank is foreclosing. I believe the short selling will prevail but with the foreclosure actions of the bank the credit slowly slips away and the bottom line ~ you still get to sell your home but your credit is gone. Shitty.

I’m working through that. Once I got to the island . . . 7 days later I have orders to go on th
e road. To this day since January 2011 I have been home (the island) approximately 2 ½ - 3 weeks total this year. I love travelling. I live in an efficiency apartment. I don’t have a car yet so every time I go home I have to rent. I am determined to have one by the time I return a month from tomorrow.

I’m in Michigan now for two months – half way through now. I am enjoying my stay – just so long as I am out of here before the cold weather sets in.

Well that’s my life in scroll down the page!!! Oh . . . one more new thing. My daughter goes back to school to start her second year. I apply for a loan and try to be a co-signer for her on a school loan. We’re/I’m denied. It’s the wrath of the house – it has hit my credit. So, she went to Financial Aid and made a deal and she is in school. She is so determined. I love the crazy girl . . . even tho the streak of bitchiness surfaces every now and then. Love her!!!!!

Needless to say, I am out of the funk I apparently was in last year. I LOVE LIFE!!!! I am starting to love me more too.

I’m a little weary from writing . . . so I will add another time. Not too sure if I am proofing this. Not feeling it right n
ow – oh well.