Friday, November 27, 2009

taking a break . . .

I'll be back . . . just taking a mental break. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

morning pages . . .

Years ago I was guided to a book call the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I can’t even tell you how many years it has been since I read the book. But I keep on re-reading (if that’s a word) it when I am blocked creatively. Not only that I read it because it is such an inspirational book.

It has exercises that are given to help free the mind and allow the creativity to just flow. It is for any kind of artist or person that wants to just be. It helps from the blocked person to the person that has so many creative ideas and it harnesses the best part of being creative and allows you to work with it. I absolutely adore this book. She has others, but this is the grounding book for me.

The book starts out with the doing the exercise of the “morning pages.” When you immediately wake up in the morning you grab your spiral notebook and write for three pages straight (no more), always by long hand whatever is in your head. It does not have to make sense. If you have nothing to say then write down you have nothing to say. You just write until stuff comes up. There are some days you struggle because your head is just empty. This exercise is to dump out what is in that cranium so that you can allow the creativity room to breathe. It is great! Most importantly it’s a discipline. You have to do it everyday. What’s funny about it is that you don’t have to think about what you’re going to write – it just comes. All you need to do is have paper and pen/pencil in hand and write. It does work. As for the other exercises that are in the book, I have not yet gotten intimate with them due to the fact that I am in a mad affair with the first exercise. I am starting to break away and move on in the book to start the other exercises. Mind you I have owned this book almost 12 years. Okay, I’m a little slow, but I am devoted – can’t complain about that!!! Maybe that’s why I’m still struggling with this creativity thing – at least expanding it more.

So, I was doing my morning pages this morning. All of a sudden I realized I was writing about my childhood summers. I started to remember things that I haven’t thought of in a multitude of years. Things started just pushing out of my head. Names of people, things I used to do, the warmth of the sun while we laid in the park. The innocence of summer and all the things that now I am terrified and always worried that something would happen to my daughter – like walking through a huge park, in New Jersey, at night, with no one around. Yeah, used to do that ~ but it was safe yet it wasn’t but it was different. Everyone knew who you were because you were so and so’s daughter, or cousin. Couldn’t get away with anything because the whole neighborhood had eyes. By the time I would get home my father would have already known what’s up.

As I look back it was great! Spending my school days in Bronx, NYC and then my summers in New Jersey. For some, unless you lived in Jersey, it’s not that bad!!! It was and still is, depending on where you are, the suburbia of NYC as far as I’m concerned. Still two different worlds but still fun.

I had some not so good memories too, but those are the ones remember the most. It sure was nice to remember the good times. Gives me a warm fuzzy.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

moon chasing . . .

I found myself chasing the moon tonight. I was returning from the post office and turned down the main street that lead to my home. As soon as I came around the turn of the road I almost pulled over and hit the sidewalk. I could not believe what I saw.

I gazed at a huge, when I say huge I mean very large moon that was staring at me and waiting for me at the end of the road. So I drive towards the moon. Mind you I have passed my turn for my house. I wanted to get to a spot where I could really see this magnet. As I drive the moon is getting lower and the house at the end of the street was getting a taller and the moon disappeared. I almost freaked. I went down another road looking for the moon - I couldn't find it. I was so frustrated. So now I'm almost two miles away from the house and there is no moon. I started to think that this was a fluke sighting. I didn't like that.

So I decided to go back to the road I was on when I saw it in the beginning. I kept on looking back because I was traveling in the opposite direction I was in when I first saw it. I'm not seeing anything. I almost gave up, then in my rear view mirror guess who peeped out of nowhere . . .

I had to stop. I pulled over and parked down an off street. Went back out to the main street and sat down on a bus stop bench. I was so mesmerized by the glow, size, and there was something else but I can't place it. I saw outside on this bench for close to 45 minutes staring at this marvel of nature. It made me feel warm. It made me feel.

You know seeing things like this, I so appreciate life so much more. Like I do periodically, I sent a choice number of friends a text to check the moon out because they will never see it again like this in their lifetimes. All this nature stuff is a one time shot in a lifetime. You may see something closely similar in the future but you will never see it as it is when you see it for the first time. That's why so many of us take life for granted most of the time cause we think it's the same thing over and over.

I have given up on trying to capture these moments on film, etc. Like when I met that guy the other night, I just want to enjoy the experience and rely on my memories. All of these things are the reason I've got a smile on my face at times!!!

peace and enjoy the moment!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

life is good . . .

Gotta tell you . . . this may not mean much to some but a couple of things happened to me that have made me feel good within the last 24 hours . . .

I was in the store yesterday and I ran across a friend I hadn't seen in a while. She and I started talking. Mind you my 17 year old is in the car. I told her I was just going to run in and out (which is what I normally do - I don't like shopping). So, I was talking to my friend at least 45 minutes (the time flew by). My daughter came in - need I say not to happy. To top it off I hadn't gotten what I was going to get yet (uh-oh!). So as she slithered up behind me, my friend's children slithered up behind her and it was like a silent pact these kids made that they were pissed and they were shooting out their animosity like venom from a snake. Brandi (my friend) and I caught the hint and started saying our byes . . . it was nice to see you . . . lets stay in touch . . .

So my daughter started walking ahead. I turned back to say bye for the 95th time. As I turned, I looked at Brandi but my eyes drifted right past her. I saw what thought was a beautiful ma
n. He was in a suit (which I am not generally attracted to on site - but this didn't matter!), he was about 6'4" and just plain yummy! He appeared to be taking care of his body and it showed through the suit. OMG!!! I caught his eye and realized he was not looking away. So I did (it's what I do ~ trying to stop that). My friend turned around and she couldn't take her eyes off of him. As he walked by she said he was gorgeous. I looked at him as he passed and said, "Oh yes he is!" So after watching him pass by - like watching water flow through my hands - I turned back to my friend to say bye #96. She was looking at me, then past me. She said that the guy turned around twice and looked at me. Hmmm . . . someone did a double take on me??? WTH!! I'm thinkin maybe he left his glasses home or he had a crik in his neck - that sounds good. But Brandi at this point is swearing to me that this guy turned and took two long looks (she thought the he might have thought I would look up and respond). Since no one told me about it I guess I couldn't.

So we finally parted. I had to head in the direction Adonis as he floated by, not on purpose, on necessity for dinner. So I'm walking. I didn't look his direction. I was talking to my daughter as this point. My daugter stops to look at something and I slowed down. All of a sudden I hear, "Excuse me miss." (Haven't been called that in a while). I heard it but didn't think it was towards me. Then I hear it again. I turned and it was Adonis. He was standing in line. He called me over. I went. I think his pheromones dragged me over - I don't even think I walked. So I say Hi. He greets me back. He said, "I wanted to let you know that I think you are beautiful." Okay, what do you say to that. He smiled at me. No lie this guy looked like he stepped out of GQ magazine. What do you say? My ex-husband never called me beautiful. So I said to him, "Thank you." He said again, "You really are very beautiful." I thanked him again and all I could think of was introducing myself. So I did. I asked his name. It's not as tasty as Adonis ~ his name was Gerald. Works for me!

That's how it ended. Yeah, I'm a pretty shy girl. Hard to believe that if you knew me but I am a wimp! He smiled at me with the most perfect beautiful teeth, his eyes were not brown - but a light brown. His handshake was firm and his hands weren't soft nor were they rough. As I walked away I couldn't stop smiling . . . okay for the rest of the night I couldn't stop smiling. He struck a chord in me. He gave me a warm fuzzy. Oh . . . the "pizza of resistance" - I looked like crap. I looked like I was going shopping. I was in the comfortable jeans, the reliable comfy sweater. C'mon girls you know how I was dressed.

The morale to my story is that I felt good that someone could say something that made me feel great and I savored that moment by not finding out anymore about him. Like this past run on sentence, it would be nice if our paths cross, if they don't I hope he knows that he made this miss smile and feel good about herself for a change. Gotta say, dammmmmnnnnnn he looked good!!!

My second thing was today I med the Dahali Lama's right hand man. I wanted to just feel his energy and I did. I was so special to be around one who is just so . . (can't find the word(s)).

So far it's been a wonderful 24 hours.